Say, you've just finished a day with the director/actor/D.P. from hell. You'd love to be able to sit down with someone and the end of the day and verbally thrash the offending moron. Sure I could complain to someone in production, but they are busy wrapping the job. Same with the rest of the crew. So, more often than not, I just smile, say my goodbyes, swipe a Coke for the road, and leave. On the drive home I have been known to yell, scream, wave my hands and carry on as if I had someone with me. It gets all the emotions off my chest but no one is really listening. Also I notice people tailgate me less. It's a win-win really.
But since ranting to no one isn't as good as ranting to someone, here are some of my personal complaints:
- Directors who talk down to me (later on I could save your ass)
- Actors who have not learned their lines, or don't know how to match actions (I don't care about your character's motivation, it won't cut together)
- Sound guys who don't pay attention when I call out the scene number (if I wanted to yell out numbers for fun I'd be a bingo caller)
- D.P.'s that act like I'm undermining their work (if proper screen direction is going to kill your vision, it needs help any way)
- A.D.'s that over-schedule a shoot day (believe it or not, the crew likes to eat, pee and sleep once in a while)
- Make-Up/Hair/Wardrobe who sit in the back of the stage gabbing, reading magazines and not paying attention to the shoot (largely because I'm jealous)
- When production says the words "low budget" (especially on a commercial!)
- Video playback dudes who don't pay attention when I call out the scene number (usually talking to the sound guy)
- When Camera switches lenses/filters at the last minute and then forgets to tell me
- When Art department forgets to take pictures of their set and come running to me in a panic to see if I have a picture of where their crap was (from now on I charge a usage fee)
- When a prop person doesn't understand that it's their job, not the actors' to reset a prop
- Craft Service with no gum (seriously, it's gum, it's not hard)
- Extras that try to change their seat/hair/wardrobe within a scene. (It's not going to get you discovered, trust me)
- Anyone who touches my book
- Anyone who asks me for a pen or paper (hopefully you didn't also touch my book)
- Editors that think script supervisors aren't necessary (one commercial editor told me he didn't want to be influenced by my notes!)
- When video camera guys tell me they changed tape (I can see the time code changed from hour one to hour two)
- Not being able to see the monitor because I'm short (clearly my own issue, but I'm working on it)
- Working overnight (it's nothing like a slumber party)
- Grip/Electric...this one's tough, I love grip/electric...um...ok, I've got one. Some of the worst pick-up lines in history were uttered by grip/electric guys. Get some new material.
- Working outside on windy days. My hair's trouble enough as it is.
Ok. That feels better. I think I'm done now.
Nope, ok, done.
In other news: script supervisor and Script Goddess reader Sandy Parker sent me a link to her interview from the set of "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" Check it out here! I'm not exactly sure why her interview is sandwiched between a stand-in and an extra....but...now that I think about it.... add that to my list of complaints.